Tales From Skyrim Episode VI: ’The Old Ball and Chain’

Once our travellers reached the bottom of the mountain they popped back into Ivarstead for one more night, stocked up on provisions, freaked Wilhelm the barkeep out a few more times with Barbas’ passive aggressive threats and headed out at first light

The walk across Skyrim was long and arduous as ‘the powers that be’ have decided to stop fast travelling (they hate me right now). They passed a few dungeons but decided to just make a note of them to avoid getting too distracted.
When they eventually reached the opening and Whiterun came into full view it was agreed by all that a stop off and recuperation was in order.
We join our trio entering Whiterun as evening is drawing in and the heavens begin to open. Adrienne Avenicci is busy smacking metal against metal at Warmaidens and a couple of local kids are being called in by their parents as the rain gets heavier. Barbas runs off ahead towards the inns.

Darkwater- ‘that dog loves a drink. Right, I’m going to go get my blade sharpened’

Lydia eyes narrow.
Lydia- ‘you don’t have a blade and your bow is magical’

Darkwater- ‘Well erm, I’m thinking of taking up a two-handed weapon and I need some advice’

Lydia- ‘You do realise Adrienne is married ‘

DW- ‘yes, what of it’

Lydia- ‘and you realise that her husband once punched a pig in half?’

Dw- ‘yeah right’

Lydia – ‘Limpy Pete told me’

DW- ‘Yeah but Limpy Pete says that dogs can’t look up’

Lydia- ‘They Cant’

DW- ‘You’ll believe anything’

Lydia- ‘Right, I’m off to find the wife’

Lydia walks off to the west where the majority of the residential houses are.

Darkwater draws himself up appearing to add an extra 30lb to his upper body. As he walks over he notices she is banging prison Iron together. A pile of Iron balls on chains are by her feet.
DW- ‘Hey Adrienne’

Adrienne- ‘Oh hey….muckwalker wasn’t it?’

DW- ‘n-no’

Adrienne- ‘what can I do for you me old Mucka?’

Dw- ‘I’m just wondering if you fancy a drink over at Honningbrew Meadery?’

Adrienne- ‘ahem, no’
She replied in the same way a doctor tells loved once there is nothing they can do.
Adrienne- ‘there are plenty of lovely ladies that I’m sure…’

Darkwater chuckled to himself.
DW- ‘Well, this is embarrassing’

Adrienne- ‘Don’t be embarrassed.’

DW- ‘No, I mean for you…I don’t know how to say this but….I’m kind of a big deal around here…People KNOW me’

Adrienne- ‘that nice for you’

She continues to bang a cuff into shape attached to a chain and weight.

DW- ‘I’m just going to say it…I can’t hide it any longer…I am Dragonborn’

Suddenly a gloved hand with enough leather to recreate a cow slapped down on his shoulder

Ulfberth War-Bear – ‘hmm, I wonder, Adi, if Dragonborns have wings hidden in their arm sockets?’

DW- ‘I can assure you, we don’t’

Ulfberth War-Bear – ‘Well I’m curious to find out’

Ulfberth spun Darkwater to face him and started to pull both of his arms outwards. His face a mixture of excitement and anger.

He didnt get far before his face was pelted with rocks

Ria – ‘the Jarl is going to be pissed if you turn the only Dragonborn into a living breadstick.

Lydia and Ria stand to the side ready with more rocks. Ulfberth regarded them for a second, then tooks a long hard look at Darkwater.

Ulfberth- ‘Don’t speak to her again’
He released his grip.

Darkwater brushed himself off.
DW- ‘No problem Teddy Bear’

Ulfberth storms back into the house with Adrienne in tow.

Ria- ‘I see what you mean Lyd, he’s a bit of a knob’ed’

Lydia- ‘Ducky, Lunas made us food c’mon, bring Barbas’

DW- ‘Where is Barbas?’

Lydia- ‘not sure, maybe he’ll turn up later.

Darkwater enjoyed a delicious dinner that Lydia’s wife, Ria made for them but Barbas did not show up. Darkwater thanked them both for saving his arms and headed to the inn’s and then Breezehome, no Barbas to be found.
The next morning Darkwater was awoken by knocking at the door.

Lydia- ‘We’ve got to go, grab your stuff now!’

DW- ‘Easy lyd its like….7am. whats the dillio?’

Lydia- ‘Cicero’

DW- ‘Gesundheit!’

Lydia- ‘No, he’s this creepy mad jester, Hes got Barbas! He took off in his Wagon last night!

The Pair headed out and north to see if they could catch it up. They get as far as Loreius’ Farm when they find the Wagon. With a broken wheel.

Lydia – ‘It’s facing back to whiterun?’

Cicero- ‘Ohh goody goody, some help, my wagon wheel came off, curse you wagon wheel. Maybe my new friends can help?...he he yessss help!? Ah haha haha hahahahha’

Lydia and Darkwater look at each other.

Dw – *whispers* ‘This guy is nuts’

Lydia- *whispers* ‘I think he’s pretty dangerous, some connection to assassins , I say we try and make this process as simple as possible’

Darkwater peeked into the cart to see Barbas, conscious with his neck strapped to a Ball and Chain.

Lydia- ‘Cicero’

Circero – ‘Yes my manish female friend?’

Lydia- ‘Didn’t I see you leaving Whiterun last night? Why are you heading back’

Cicero- ‘ Ahahaha very perceptive, but none of your business’

Darkwater- ‘Where did you get the dog from?’

Cicero- ‘ ahaha, A dog is a dog is a dog licks his Butt, But this one is more much more than a Mutt’

Lydia- ‘pretty poem, Okay we will help you’

Cicero – ‘You will!? Oh goody goody my friends I thank you’

Barbas- ‘What did he just call me!?’

Lydia- ‘IF you give us the dog’

Cicero- ‘…Why Would you want this dog’

DW- ‘Your pretty poem made him sound appealing’

Cicero- ‘NO DEAL’

Just then two imperial guards appear in the distance walking towards the four of them.

Lydia- ‘How about, you give us the dog, we get your wheel back on, and we won’t tell these nice guards that you have kidnapped this mutt from his owner?’

Barbas- ‘you have no right to use that word, that is OUR word!’

Cicero looked down at the floor for a few seconds.
Cicero- ‘Fine, deal’

DW- ‘Great!’

Cicero- ‘I won’t….forget this’Cicero’s voice had suddenly become very serious.

Lydia helped get the wheel back on and assured the guards that no help was needed while Darkwater released Barbas from his cage.

Barbas – ‘The thalmor-fucker used magic to knock me out…I think I might eat him’

DW- ‘Be cool Barbas, there is more to this guy than meets the eye, I’m sure you will get your chance.’

Cicero went on his way and the adventurers turned to face north.

Lydia – ‘Ducky, Barbas, we need to trudge on. We still have a long way to go.’

DW- ‘Hold up, im gonna pop to Loreius’ Farm, see if he’ll let me use his facilities, your mrs’ cooking has gone right through me, How bout you Barbas, need to go?’

Barbas- ‘Naw, I left Cicero a present in his driver’s seat’

*in the distance* ‘noooo, that mutt, that mutt, got crap on my butt!’...Reunited, the adventures head north to Ustengrav