Tales from Skyrim Episode V: “7,001: A Step Odyssey” Part 1 of 2

After a long walk *fast travel* The group arrived at Ivarstead, the base of the path to High Hrothgar.

It was time for them to put their feet up, have a drink and a sleep at the Inn, Lydia agreed as it was pitch black and it would be better to tackle the mountain at first light.

They walked into the Tavern, a simple little place with a few people a nice central firepit and one random asleep on the floor. (make sure we get a picture of that).

DW- ‘now this is my kind of establishment’

Lydia- ‘I wouldn’t recommend getting drunk, Duckwater’

DW- ‘Darkwater’

Lydia- ‘sorry, Fuckwater was that?’

DW- ‘….Duckwater is fine’

Lydia- ‘Anyway “ducky”, as I say, don’t get like Rugman on the floor over there, we’re leaving at 6am’

DW- ‘Theres a 6am?’

Lydia- ‘I’m getting a room’

Lydia walked off to speak to a lady that appeared to run the room and board of the place. Lydia pointed at me and handed the lady some coins. She walked off with the lady and I took a seat with Barbas.

Barman- ‘sorry pal, your dog needs to go outside’

Barbas- ‘how about 2 pints and I won’t bite your junk while you sleep tonight?’

Barman Wilhelm, looked at me with a puzzled expression and then realised it wasn’t me that said it.

If dogs could somehow show expression, I would go as far as to say Barbas gave Wilhelm a very evil grin.

Wilhelm- ‘Did he just talk?’

DW- ‘Do YOU think my dog just talked?’

Wilhelm- ‘Well, I…’

DW- ‘you may or may not have heard my dog say something, but what I would say is that if you DID hear my dog say something, I would take whatever he said very VERY seriously’

Barbas tilted his head and studied Wilhelm.

Wilhelm- ‘here you go fellas, 2 pints. First 2 are on the house....as you lady friend just paid twice the going rate for your rooms!’

Wilhelm poured some black-brier into a small wooden bowl and put it down by Barbas. He turned and walks back to the bar

Barbas- ‘Fantastic service’

Wilhelm stopped, started to turn around for another look and then thought better of it.

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur, but duckwa...darkwater was woken by the sound of Lydia kicking his bed.

Only took a few minutes to make himself look beautiful and he was ready to tackle the 7,000 steps.

As the morning sun attacked the midday sky, he had ascended what felt like 3,000 steps but as Barbas was painstaking counting every single sodding step it was quickly discovered that they had climbed a mere 300 steps. Although at this relatively low altitude the wind was already blowing a gale and the snow wasn’t falling as much as it was orbiting the trio and the surrounding rocks.

Barbas: “Three hundred and thirty four, Three hundred and thirty five”

DW- *huff*…*huff* “are there” *huff* “actually” *huff* “7,000 steps?*

Lydia- ‘I doubt it, but’ sounds like your dog will be able to tell us’

Barbas- ‘Three Hundred and Fourty…I’m not his dog…three Hundred and Fourty One’

Lydia- ‘I suggest we stop for a breather’

DW- ‘done’

He dropped to the floor.

Lydia,- ‘there are a lot of snowberries about, I think I’ll grab some’

After a few minutes Darkwater got back up to his feet.

Looking down he could see nothing but white and a few tree tops. Looking to the path ahead he saw more steps and….something. It looked a bit like a snow covered rock rolling around. He began to walk off ahead a bit…the rock was moving….and it was getting bigger. Almost like it was running towards them…

DW- ‘BEAR’

Lydia- ‘huh?’

DW- ‘BIG “FUCK OFF” SNOW BEAR

Lydia- ‘right?, shoot it’

Lydia barely looked up from her snowberries whilst she said this and all in this time I was looking down struggling to get my Bound conjured.

DW- ‘c’mon, c’mon, c’mon….aaaaand BOUND BOW’

He looked up….no bear.

He looked to the side and there next to him is Barbas chomping into the neck of this once snarling white death tank. He lifts up his head to regard Darkwater.

Barbas- ‘Figured you needed help’

DW- ‘Thanks buddy’

He turned to Lydia who has still to lift her head from picking snowberries

DW- ‘Feel free to jump in and protect me at any time’

Lydia- ‘You looked like you had it’

DW- ‘” I Had It!?” the only thing I had was last night’s black-brier run down my inside leg!’

Lydia- ‘hey, but look, Ducky, you levelled up without even loosing an arrow’

DW- *mimics lydia in a high voice* ‘hey look you levelled up without even miniminimeh, I’m so smart and right all the time’

Lydia- ‘Okay lets move out, I want to get up there before sunset’

Onward and upward our adventurers go. What do the Greybeards have in store for Darkwater and are their beards as grey and manageable as scholars have mused? We’ll find out soon enough.