After making a few parts of his house which has been named for him (‘Lakeview Manor’, though at this point it feels like 'Lakeview cupbord). Darkwater decided to revisit Falkreath as a guard mentioned something about a dog whilst Colin (Jarl of Falkreath) was sending him off on ‘Project rape or be raped’.
So our main dovahkiin returned back to Falkreath and spoke to the blacksmith Lod who says something along the lines of
Lod- ‘had a dog, lost a dog, want a dog, walk 5 paces out of the road there and get my dog as I’m far too fucking lazy to walk that far myself’
Lod- ‘had a dog, lost a dog, want a dog, walk 5 paces out of the road there and get my dog as I’m far too fucking lazy to walk that far myself’
Darkwater– ‘I don’t think your heart is in it, Rod’
Lod- ‘LOD’
Darkwater - ‘yeah….Lod….that’s a name’
So Darkwater set off and literally walked out of Falkreath a few paces to see a dog sitting outside…like…literally If Rod just poked his head round the corner he would see the dog and the mission would be done. In fact maybe he could just shout to…
"You are exactly what I was looking for”,
Darkwater -….
Dog- ….*tilts head*
Darkwater-….
Dog- *pants*
So anyway he just needs to bring this dog home I assu..
Dog- “You see, my name is Barbas. And I have a problem I think you can help sort out."
Darkwater- “Okay you talk….I’m not sure why that’s weird it just is…I mean I’ve survived a dragon attack, I can conjure up a camp looking purple arrow shooty thing, ive outrun a Giant using people as hurdles and raided some Spunky mineshaft for Colin….so I guess….yeah why the hell not, you can talk….and that’s…that’s just fine”
Barbas- "My master and I had a bit of a falling out. We got into an argument and it got rather... heated."
DW – ‘okay but why do you sound like Danny DeVito?’
Barbas – “He's kicked me out until I find someone who can settle our disagreement. That's where you come in."
DW – “I feel like we are talking at each other rather than with each other so I’m just going to go along with this”
So they gets to talking and it turns out thisdog wants to go to a cave that our adventurer has already cleared…nice….could have this wrapped up in a matter of seconds
*Fast travel*
He arrives at the cave, no Barbas…no worries. Hes got 4 legs, he can run over, it’s not far.
Darkwater makes his way through the various corpses that he littered this cave with a few days ago until he gets to the Statue of this dude Clavicus Vile…oh there Barbas Wagging his lil Brooklyn tail.
He walks up to the statue and essentially a voice that I can only describe as a cross between RuPaul and Gordon Ramsey comes through telling him what a bad dog he was and how If Darkwater and Barbas go off and get an axe for him, he will reunite with the dog
DW- 'Okey dokey….hopefully its in fast travelling distance'
Barbas- 'Nope its far off to the north west….almost as opposite as possible and I haven’t been that way yet'
The closest they can fast travel to is Whiterun goddamit. Well this is what he signed up for..
They spend a night at Whiterun (due to a bug in the game I can’t speed up time normally right now I have to sleep and do it like that…)
So they get some sleep in my cobwebby Breezehome (I understand why they call it Breezehome now fucking drafty lil shit shack)
Our hero woke up the next day refreshed, ate a sweetroll and headed out…no Barbas to be found, but the small amount of travelling Darkwater has done with him tells him he will turn up somewhere….
DW- 'oh there he is...why does he look so happy all the time?'
Barbas – ‘ I Killed a child and ate its hands’
DW- “that’s great lets go…’
They head off west down the road, Barbas is happy running around barking at, what I can only imagine is Dark Matter as they can’t see anything but he’s adamant its there.
They come across a Fort,
DW- 'looks pretty well protected….oh wait…there is a bunch of mannequins on sticks up there...Barbas where are you going? I don’t think we should go in there’
Barbas- “woof”
DW- ‘Right, suddenly you are a normal dog?....dick’
Straight away bandits start piling out but Barbas is fighting them and not getting killed.…Darkwater decided to sit and watch out of morbid curiosity (I mean he got himself into this mess) he seems invincible....curious?
Our Adventurer loosed a few arrows from further back until the fort was cleared and him and Barbas enjoyed an afternoon of looting dead peoples pockets.
They were just about to take a load off at the steps of a tower and enjoy another sweetroll (apparently 5 sweetroll a day keeps the werewolves at bay) when Darkwater suffers a blow to the back to the back of the head.
Dw - 'ouch…that,kind of hurt a bit'
One Bandit Outlaw that didn’t wanna make himself known earlier. Bit tougher than the others too, He tooks a few bound bow arrows (this arrow isn’t as ‘Golden Gun’ as I thought) and a couple of bites from his new Canine Companion and the dude goes down like a sack of shit.
DW- ‘this has been a fun afternoon Barbas, I get the impression if I complete this mission we wouldn’t be able to do this anymore.
Barbas- ‘woof’
DW– ‘I think I might keep you around for a bit’
Barbas- ‘woof’
DW- ‘This could be the start of a beautiful friendship’
Barbas- ‘woof!’
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